This Round is on You

A metaphor, a simile and an analogy walk into a bar.  The bartender looks at the three of them and says "what is this, some kind of a vocab quiz?"

So the metaphor turns to the simile and says, "The bartender is a comedian."

Then the simile sits down and the bar and says, "The bartender is like a comedian."

Finally, the analogy walks up to the stage and grabs the microphone away from nobody and starts talking.  "Bartender : Comedian :: Hairdresser : Therapist".

The bartender sighs.  Just as a fluffy silence tries to seep its way into the room, in burst an allegory, a parable and a metonymy.

The allegory pulls a gun out of his back pocket and waves it around in the air.  "One day a mouse decided that he wanted to confuse the cat.  The cat, you see, was always sure that its job was to chase the mouse and the mouse had become bored with it.  So out marches the mouse from his hole one day and gives the cat a nod.  The cat tilted its head in slight confusion at this move and waited.  The mouse said 'I am a dog'.  The cat walked forward and hit the mouse with his paw, killing it."

The parable gently reaches out and takes the gun away from the allegory, removes the bullets and sets both gun and bullets on the bar.  "There were once three men who used to enjoy drinking at a particular bar.  They liked the bar because it was close to their homes and served cheap beer with free pretzels.  They went there every night after work.  One night, one of the men thought about going to a different bar but it was only after he had sat down with his two friends.  He never mentioned it out loud so nothing became of it."

Finally, the metonymy clears her throat.  "Safety."

The bartender sighs again.  "The usual, then?"

They all nod in assent, taking their usual spots at the bar.